The five stages of a sabbatical
by csi-87
Summary: My version of what happened in the lead up to the episode Leaving Las Vegas. GSR all the way! x
1. Stage 1 Anger

**The five stages of a sabbatical**

Disclaimer – I do not, repeat, do not own any part of CSI. I think the world is a safer place that way! -x-

**Note:** This is fanfic number 2 for me and somewhat shorter than my previous one. But hope you all enjoy it all the same!

**Stage One - Anger**

Her face reddened in humiliation. The words stuck in her head and she took several deep breaths to control all of the thoughts and emotions that were threatening to rise to the surface.

_Sabbatical…teaching…four weeks…_

She had been handling the news calmly and rationally until Grissom had dropped the ultimate bombshell.

"_The break will be good for me."_

Grissom was leaving for four weeks and it wasn't an open invitation. It wasn't that he was asking for her opinion, he had already decided. He was leaving tomorrow. She swayed slightly on the spot and held onto the chair in front of her for support.

Grissom watched Sara anxiously. He had known that this conversation would never be easy. But watching her now, he was worried that it had hit her harder than he had ever anticipated. It had sounded so convincing and reassuring in his head; he wasn't leaving _her_ behind, he was leaving the _job_ behind. It was just unfortunate that the two were linked.

"Huh." She finally mumbled, making him wince. He had known Sara long enough to know that if something annoyed her or if she didn't agree, she would let someone know. But if something really got to her, upset her more than normal, then she would respond with silence.

She turned her back on him and walked to the door of the office. His breathing quickened, he had one shot to move her from silence to anger; the lesser of two evils.

"I thought you would be happy for me." He called out quietly, but audible enough that she could hear. Sara turned slowly on the spot and looked at him. He could see the fire burning in her eyes.

"You're leaving Vegas for four weeks without me. You tell me this the day before you go. Add to that the fact that you had a go at me because I didn't tell you I was going to San Francisco, and you want me to be HAPPY for you?" She replied through gritted teeth. Unfortunately Grissom's tactic worked too well, and he became annoyed by her response.

"I need some time away from work. You don't get it."

"Yes I do. I could do with a holiday. So could Nick; he still can't stand the sight of bugs or having to go underground. Greg's still haunted by the death of Demetrius James. Warrick's marriage is falling apart and Cath's still cut up about Sam. But you don't see us going off for four week holidays. Because we can't, we just get left behind to get on with it!" Her voice rose to a surprisingly high volume, causing some of the lab staff to gaze in bewilderment, from behind their computers and layout tables.

Grissom lowered his head, shaking it slowly as he did.

"Don't you dare shake your head at me like I'm some school kid that's got the answer wrong to a question! You'll never change will you? When something becomes tough or uncomfortable or difficult you shut down, just like you did all of those times to me." Grissom finally looked up, a surprised and hurt expression on his face. He regained his composure and arched his fingers together, opting for silence rather than a response. Sara threw her hands up in the air.

"See you in four weeks." She spat, slamming the office door shut behind her. Grissom put his head in his hands and sighed.

"Great."

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Ta dah! Lol, hope you enjoyed the first chapter. I know it's short, but well the whole fic is, and it seemed the most appropriate place to end it. There are references to San Francisco, which is to do with my other fanfic 'Nightmares and Dream men'. -x-


	2. Stage 2 Frustration

**The five stages of a sabbatical**

Disclaimer – I don't own any part of CSI, but if I did, I'd buy us a big house where we both could live. ("Your song" lyrics are Elton John's!)

**Stage Two - Frustration**

"…So Hodges confirmed that the oil on Dan's jacket matched the oil from Carol's car. That and the GSR we found, I'd say we've got him right?"

She gazed into space, a vacant expression splayed across her features.

"…Sara? Sara didja hear what I said?" Greg asked.

"Huh what? Sorry Greg, say it again."

"You ok?" He looked at her concernedly.

_No._

"I'm fine, just had something on my mind that's all."

"Oh right. It's only four weeks; Grissom'll be back in no time." He turned away quickly, slapping his hand over his mouth and cursing himself for letting his mouth move before his brain could. An uncomfortable silence settled between them. He figured that Sara was thinking of a way to respond to the comment, so he knew he had to come back with something light hearted that showed he wasn't insinuating anything.

"I'm gonna miss him too." He replied, giving a nervous smile. Sara looked shocked, before beginning to laugh. She placed a hand on his shoulder and smiled.

"I'm sure he'd be pleased to hear that."

_It's a better response than I gave him._

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He walked down the corridor in a daze after being hugged by an emotional Nick. He'd had handshakes, wise words, jumpers and now hugs. And then there was Sara. He could see her in the lab laughing with Greg and watched her sadly. He couldn't leave without talking to her properly.

Trying to get her to listen was half of the problem. The other half was finding the time between now and his departure the next day. There weren't too many opportunities in a lab full of CSIs and lab techies to pull his girlfriend aside and explain to her why he's leaving for a month without her.

He watched as Greg left the room and Grissom became hopeful. He strode determinedly down the corridor, everything worded perfectly in his head.

Catherine appeared from a side office and began questioning him about her duties while he was away and about the replacement supervisor. He managed to pry himself away and turned back to the room which he now found empty. He reached the end of the corridor and looked around desperately. But she wasn't there. His head slumped forward. The window of opportunity had just become a lot smaller. He looked at his watch and headed back to his office.

He stood by his car in the parking lot, passing his keys from one hand to the other. He looked over his shoulder at her car in its usual spot and stared at it for several minutes before unlocking his own and driving away into the neon and traffic heavy night.

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"It should be good." Warrick commented.

"Naw man, Greg picked the film so it's unlikely! You wanna come with us Sara? Even just to have a dig at Greg?" Nick laughed, punching Greg playfully on the arm who was grinning widely. She smiled but shook her head.

"Nah, I'm ok. I'm gonna go home and chill out. See ya later." She left Greg, Nick and Warrick to walk to the rock paper scissor car of choice; Nick's.

"What's up with Sara?" Warrick asked.

"She's bummed that Grissom's leaving." Greg replied and was met by a collective "oh" from Warrick and Nick.

"Dude…are you crying?" Warrick asked in disbelief.

"Well he has been our supervisor for 7 years and, well it's weird that I won't see him everyday." Nick sniffed.

"I think _you're_ weird." Warrick and Greg laughed.

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Sara heard their laughs echo across the parking lot and smiled. She climbed into her car and was about to pull out when she noticed something flapping about under her window wiper. Frowning, she walked around to face the windshield and pulled the slip of paper out of the wipers grasp.

Using the spotlight back inside the driver's seat, Sara read the three handwritten words.

"Sorry about earlier." She muttered aloud. She rolled her eyes and screwed the paper up, stuffing it in her pocket. She revved the car and turning the volume up on her stereo, tried to block out any thoughts other than song lyrics from entering her brain.

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Hope you like it! I like the bit with Nick; it made me laugh so much when he was hugging Grissom and telling him all that stuff in the episode, I just had to bring it in! Lol -x-


	3. stage 3 Remorse

**The five stages of a sabbatical**

Disclaimer – I don't own any part of CSI. The voices in my head tend to disagree! Lol -x-

**Stage Three - Remorse**

She turned the shower on full blast and let the hot steam fill the bathroom, clouding everything it touched, shutting out the outside world, the reality. As the powerful jets hit her body, she huddled in the corner, heavy sobs shaking her body. She sunk to the floor and let her tears mingle with the shower spray, carrying away the tears but not the aching in her chest.

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He folded up his shirts neatly and laid them carefully into his holdall. His unscheduled trip to San Francisco drifted into his mind; of grabbing what he could and heading off to find the woman he loved. The thrill of the spontaneity still made his skin tingle. But this was very different.

He was the one leaving. It didn't matter how much he needed the break or that he was looking forward to a change in scenery, in job. He was the one leaving. He never thought he would, but he was. And he hated it. Las Vegas wasn't just a place to work or where he grew up anymore. Because of Sara, it was now his home.

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She sat down heavily on the sofa and leaned into the thick cushions. She opened the bottle of beer and took a small sip. The dark sounds of Costanza's album filled the room and she looked down at the beer, remembering the day that Grissom had visited, the day that had changed her life.

This felt like one of those days. She felt stuck in constant confusion; he was leaving. He was leaving her, but was it on purpose? What would their relationship be like when he returned? Would he return? Would there still be a relationship?

"Gil Grissom, the human enigma. One comment," She looked down at the heavily creased bit of paper "three words, then ten uncertainties." She muttered before taking another sip of beer.

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Grissom switched off the documentary and walked around his apartment, checking everything he would need had been packed. He dug his hands into his pockets and closed his eyes gently. He breathed in deeply, the faint scent of Sara's perfume filling his nostrils. He gave a small smile, losing himself in various memories.

A knock on the front door woke him from the daydream and he frowned as he crossed the living room to the door. His heart rose in his chest. Sara gave a small smile.

"I er, couldn't just let you…" She began, but her eyes filled with tears and she began to cry. He put his arm around her shoulders, kissed her head comfortingly and directed her into the apartment, closing the door behind them.

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Ok, I know this is a really short chapter, but as normal the next chapter's quite long. -x-


	4. Stage 4 Affection

**The five stages of a sabbatical**

Disclaimer – I do not own any part of CSI or the song "Promise me", that's Beverly Craven's, but it doesn't mean that I can't sing it at the top of my voice in the car. Right? -x-

**Stage Four - Affection**

_You light up another cigarette and I pour the wine_

_Its four o clock in the morning and it's starting to get light_

_Now I'm right where I want to be, losing track of time_

_But I wish that it was still last night_

Sara put her robe on and walked to the window. She stared out and cursed the Vegas sunrise. She slumped over the window sill, her forehead pressing against the cold glass window. Grissom joined her, wrapping his arms around her waist and she instinctively leaned into him. He nuzzled his head into her neck and she held onto his hands delicately, their emotions conveying more than words could.

_You look like you're in another world but I can read you mind_

_How can you be so far away lying by my side_

_When I go away I'll miss you_

_And I will be thinking of you_

_Every night and day just…_

He stared up at the ceiling, stroking Sara's hair softly as she lay asleep in his arms. He glanced across at the window and watched the sun become more evident in the early morning sky. He held her more tightly, knowing that this would be one of the last moments he would share with her for a month and he wanted the memory imprinted on his brain for the whole of his sabbatical. He twisted his head to look at her peaceful face, all of the worry and doubt missing. But it would all return when she'd wake up. Their conversation since her arrival hadn't been focused on Grissom's sabbatical. They were both aware that it was gonna happen, but neither of them had brought it up. Not talking about it meant that for the one night, they could pretend that everything was normal. And now it was morning. Grissom shut his eyes in dread and hugged Sara closer to him.

_Promise me you'll wait for me_

_Cause I'll be saving all my love for you_

_And I will be home soon_

_Promise me you'll wait for me_

_I need to know you feel the same way too_

_And I'll be home, I'll be home soon._

She opened her eyes and gave a wide yawn. She turned over to find the other side of the bed empty. She sat upright and looked around quickly.

"Grissom. Grissom? _Grissom?_" She called desperately. Her eyes shot to the door as it opened and he appeared carrying a tray and a worried expression.

"What's wrong? You ok?" He put the tray at the end of the bed and climbed onto the bed to join her. He stroked her cheek and she nodded slowly, the panic lessening. He leaned forward and brought the tray onto his lap.

"I thought I'd make you breakfast in bed. You always get there first on Sunday mornings." A smile came to his lips at the memory.

"It looks great." She replied, trying to act normal. She began to nibble on a piece of toast as she asked quietly

"What time's your flight?" He looked across at her before looking down into his hands.

"6:15pm. I've gotta go in and make sure everything's set up for my replacement."

"They're not a replacement; no-one's replacing you. They're only a stand in." Sara stated immediately. Grissom tilted his head as he studied her face. He put his hand to her cheek again, but this time she held it in place. Her face was once again shadowed with doubt. He licked his lips nervously before saying

"I will be back; it's four weeks, nothing more and well nothing less." Her hand dropped and she began to eat her toast again. Grissom frowned. He was finding it difficult to understand what was running through Sara's mind, but it seemed she was as confused as he was.

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She picked up her bag and slung it over her shoulder. She fiddled nervously with her keys. She had known that this would be the worst moment; their last personal goodbye before they both travelled to work separately and then acted like nothing was wrong.

They hugged tightly and clung to each other for several minutes, a pained expression on Sara's face. Grissom stroked her head and back comfortingly and Sara let a stray tear fall. They stepped back from each other and Grissom placed his hands on either side of her face and Sara leaned in to him, kissing him rushed and desperately on the lips. Further tears rolled down her cheeks and Grissom's heart broke as each one splashed onto his face. He kissed her deeply in return and after a few seconds Sara pulled away. He studied her face silently before she finally whispered

"I'd better go. I'll see you at work." Grissom took one of her hands and squeezed it softly, nodding slightly. She left the apartment and Grissom leant against the closed door and bowed his head.

_When I go away I'll miss you_

_And I will be thinking of you_

_Every night and day just…_

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Hope you liked it; I love chapters like this (as some of you probably already know from my last fic!) -x-


	5. Stage 5 Acceptance

**The five stages of a sabbatical**

Disclaimer – I do not own any part of CSI.

Ok guys, this was only gonna be a short fic and indeed, this is the last chapter. So hope y'all enjoyed it! -x-

**Stage Five - Acceptance**

Grissom had to yet again struggle to be released from Nick's grasp. He raised his eyebrow at Nick before shaking his head and walking off. His phone buzzed excitedly in his pocket.

"Grissom. Oh, oh yeah. Thanks a lot, I'll be right out." He took a nervous breath and headed determinedly down the corridor.

She re-arranged the items in her locker absent mindedly, and her fingers found the small butterfly necklace around her neck. She took it off as a symbol of confusion and frustration at her situation. She looked down at it and quickly re-attached it to its usual place; she couldn't bring herself to do it.

She sensed someone out of the corner of her eye. She knew why he was there, but she was dreading to hear the words.

"Hey. My cab's here." Her heart sunk low in her chest, but she forced a composed expression on her face.

"So you're going?"

"Yeah."

"I'll see you when you get back." She pushed the small smile onto her lips. She jerked her head back to her locker, not wanting to watch him walk away. After a few minutes she gave a small frown of confusion and looked back. He stepped closer into the room, looking around hastily. Then he said something she had not expected to hear.

"I'll miss you."

_Promise me you'll wait for me_

_Cause I'll be saving all my love for you_

_And I will be home soon_

_Promise me you'll wait for me_

_I need to know you feel the same way too_

_And I'll be home, I'll be home soon._

But she was definitely glad that he had said it. Her head dropped down and he walked out of the locker room and the lab, finally leaving Las Vegas.

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There you go! Hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I've enjoyed writing it! Please let me know what you think, that would be great! I've got way too many ideas for stories, so look out for future fics! Peace -x-


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